One time in freshman year I was trying to find a cool place to party and my dumbass friend ended up sending me to a gay party. I decided to make the best of it and found out a number of cool things about gays:
1) Elton John is no longer their overlord. Lady Gaga is.
2) Gay people have sex a lot more than straight people do
3) Depending on the circumstance it is actually acceptable to us the word "fag"
4) There are a lot of well disguised transsexuals out there. Watch out fellas.
Anyway after the party I went back with a few of my new friends and they were hilarious and offered to give me free weed so I went along with them. (I knew that there was zero possibility of me getting raped them because if it came down to it in a physical confrontation I could easily have overpowered them so I was cool with it).
When we finally got back I got retarded high and my eyes were so red that Satan would have raised his eyebrows. I decided that I needed to head back to my apartment and so I left.
Ravenous munchies overtook me and I scrambled through my tiny fridge for anything edible. I found a bag of popcorn and on the bag it said heat for 4 minutes but I knew it would probably take only 2, so I would have to listen till the bag stopped popping. I throw it in the microwave in my dorm hall which was located in the same room as the laundry room and set it for 4 minutes. No one else was there. I think it was 4am.
I get a call from one of they guys who I had been hanging out with earlier. He needed to be let in so he could return one a sweatshirt one of my friends had left. Unfortunately during this we started talking about something until I realize "Oh shit my popcorn!" I run back and it has long been 4 minutes. I open the door and immediately a giant smoke cloud rushed out of the microwave and my stoned reflexes were not fast enough. Within about two seconds the entire laundry room was about half full of smoke, and it reeked of burnt popcorn.
I tried opening the windows and fanning out the smoke but it didn't budge at all. And yes the smoke alarms all went off in not just one but TWO buildings. The blood ringing sounds were going to wake everyone up so I fled the scene of the crime and ran to my friends dorm in the opposite tower where I hid for the next two hours and witnessed an entire sea of pissed off tired and cold people march out of the towers and onto the grass.
The fire department thought i was necessary to bring three firetrucks to the scene and have the entire brigade rush in like it was 9/11. And it took them like an hour to figure out that some idiot kid had just burnt the popcorn and everything was ok. Thank you firefighters.
After everybody had walked in I went back and the next morning of course everyone was asking about "Who the fuck burnt the popcorn last night?!" To which I replied "Yea what bitchface retard did that!? I was sleeping!"
So thanks to cannabis I managed to cause mass chaos and hysteria. Don't do drugs kids.
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